Contradictions & Dilemmas

A friend once casually commented “You run away from your problems”. It made me think; it seems like that is indeed what I have been doing all along. I, like all others, seek inner peace. In doing so, I avoid anything that I deem may cause emotional pain. I am emotionally lazy according to another friend. I would go to the extent of cutting a person off completely just to avoid taking chances. I am here half way across the globe from the city I grew up in, because I felt insecure. I have not a single idea if the comfortable setting that I worked so hard to obtain will remain. It has actually started falling apart, throwing me off guard. It is suffocating to think I am no longer in control. For these, I left on my journey to prove to myself things are still in my own hands.

I get frustrated when friends at home make it seem like it was easy for me to take this step. “Good, I hope you stay there (whichever city I end up being, away from home), because then I have an excuse to go there.” No, I don’t think it is that simple. I am out here alone to have to forge the connections I had from scratch again. No actually it is not that easy, I try not to think about it. But in the end it is my choice to run away.